Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Year after year, the Bulltron Regional seems stacked with quality. In the first round of 2009, we were proud to see voters shun the cheap genitalia joke in favor of four far-more-deserving names.
Now the hard choices begin:
No. 1 Taco Vandervelde: Canadian construction manager.
No. 4 Barkevious Mingo: LSU football recruit. NOTY leading vote-getter.
Who tallied more votes in the Sithole Regional, Zuequal Harrison or Cheyenne Plaster? Did Cherish Frankenstein, Elvis Cake and Telephone Mtoko really poll within two votes of each other?
Those and other match-by-match answers below. (Winner in parentheses.)
Part 1 (Taco Vandervelde)
Part 2 (Barkevious Mingo)
Part 3 (Glorious Johnson)
Part 4 (Crystal Metheny)
Part 1 (Calamity McEntire)
Part 2 (Shavodrick Beaver)
Part 3 (Infinite McCloud)
Part 4 (Nutritious Love)
Part 1 (Velvet Milkman)
Part 2 (Uranus Golden)
Part 3 (Scorpio Babers)
Part 4 (Juvyline Cubangbang)
Part 1 (Iris Macadangdang)
Part 2 (Shasta Kielbasa)
Part 3 (Hung The Dang)
Part 4 (Chuck Fugger)
Monday, March 30, 2009
First-round balloting for the 2009 NOTY is officially closed. Your Sweet 16 matchups are...
No. 1 Taco Vandervelde v. No. 4 Barkevious Mingo
No. 3 Glorious Johnson v. No. 7 Crystal Metheny
No. 1 Calamity McEntire v. No. 4 Shavodrick Beaver
No. 3 Infinite McCloud v. No. 2 Nutritious Love
No. 8 Velvet Milkman v. No. 4 Uranus Golden
No. 14 Scorpio Babers v. No. 2 Juvyline Cubangbang
No. 1 Iris Macadangdang v. No. 5 Shasta Kielbasa
No. 3 Hung The Dang v. No. 7 Chuck Fugger
We'll analyze the first-round balloting--your leading vote-getter: Mingo, of course, with 2,491 LSU-enhanced clicks--and open the polls for the Sweet 16 on Tuesday.
Thanks for your continued onomastic support.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
This will wrap up the first round of voting. Since we're on vacation, we'll leave the balloting open for a few days. So go back and make sure you've voted in every region.
And now the final four in the Chrotchtangle Regional.
7 Chuck Fugger: New Jersey mall executive.
10 Virginia Woo-Raspberry: Virginia medical worker.
2 Long Wang: UNC wrestler; late ballot substitution.
15 Brooklyn Pope: Rutgers women's basketball player.
The second four in the Chrotch:
5 Shasta Kielbasa: Medical student.
12 Cherish Frankenstein: Destiny's sister.
4 Elvis Cake: New Jersey h.s. track athlete.
13 Telephone Mtoko: Receiver of dedication in a children's book.
Your final batch of first-round matches come from the Chrotchtangle Regional, named for 1991 NOTY Doby Chrotchtangle, whose name was validated along with 1992 Name of the Decade Assumption Bulltron in an affidavit. Vote for one.
1 Iris Macadangdang: Student.
16 Sunny Bang: New York chef.
8 Kermit E. Trout Jr.: Construction company vice president.
9 Shot Kleen: Nebraska sports technology director.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
The final wheel of the 'Wagon. (Yes, there are two typos in the bracket. The spellings below are correct.)
7 Marjarvin Chapman: Florida h.s. lineman.
10 Orion Outerbridge: Rhode Island forward.
2 Juvyline Cubangbang: Sacramento resident.
15 Barg Upender: Software executive.
A wide open third quarter of the Dragonwagon.
3 Dallas Lauderdale: Ohio State forward. Just lost.
14 Scorpio Babers: Miami Dolphins cornerback.
6 Dexter McCluster: Mississippi wide receiver.
11 Sid Is: Palindromic sender of email.
Friday, March 20, 2009
The second four in the Dragonwagon.
5 Lache Seastrunk: Texas h.s. running back.
12 Kowaski Kitchens: Georgia h.s. linebacker.
4 Uranus Golden: Sibling of Portland State basketball player.
13 Katie Cumalat: An NOTY High Committee member received an email from her.
It's time to chase the Dragonwagon, named for the beloved and controversial cookbook author Crescent Dragonwagon.
Reminder: Complete the first two rounds of the ballot, vote for whoever advances.
1 Rev. Valentine Handwerker: Memphis rector.
16 Willie Wham: Canadian union boss.
8 Velvet Milkman: Murray State women's golf coach.
9 Pierre Champoux: NHL linesman.
Thanks to his fans of his game at LSU--and fans of his name at Every Day Should Be Saturday--nimble-footed linebacking recruit and budding NOTY legend Barkevious Mingo has built a huge lead in heavy turnout in Part 2 of the Bulltron Regional.
Which prompts us to make this request:
Please scroll down and cast votes in all of the regional matchups. Because NOTY cannot live by Barkevious alone.
Voting in the first round of the Bulltron Regional will close tonight. Voting in the Sithole Regional will continue through the weekend. Ed: We changed our minds. First-round ballotting will continue until all matches are up and then some. We'll begin posting the right side of the ballot--the Dragonwagon and Chrotchtangle regionals--shortly.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The bottom of the Sithole. Vote for who you think should advance to the Sweet 16. That would be one of the four.
7 DeMarvelous Carter: Hooper turned rapper. (We assume it's the same guy.)
10 Tyjuan Hagler: Colts linebacker.
2 Nutritious Love: Alabaman.
15 Tequila Minsky: Haitian writer.
Third quarter of the Sithole. A nice mix of names.
3 Infinite McCloud: Fraternity member.
14 Zuequal Harrison: Sister of Olympian Queen Quedith Earth Harrison and other remarkably named siblings.
6 Cheyenne Plaster: Florida speller.
11 Richard Titball: English molecular biologist.
The second quarter of the Sithole. It's all about the kids!
5 Bunkless Bovian: Brooklyn teen; assaulted at Munchies Deli.
12 Jazzario Barrios: Chicago h.s. lineman.
4 Shavodrick Beaver: Texas h.s. quarterback.
13 Demetrius Dick: North Carolina h.s. quarterback; teammate of 2008 NOTY nominee Jeremiah Kilimanjaro.
Welcome to the Sithole! It's named for 1985 Name of the Year, inaugural Hall of Name member and South African nationalist Godfrey Sithole, whose name, we know, isn't pronounced that way.
The top quarter of the bracket. Vote for one.
1 Calamity McEntire: Boise State basketball coach.
16 Primus Skumatz: Minnesota physician.
8 Marrell Ya'Hynis Wilson: Baby.
9 Gauntlett Mighty: Brooklyn assistant principal.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The very tough bottom half of the bottom half of the Bulltron. Pick one.
7 Crystal Metheny: Iowa businesswoman.
10 Nemesis Vega: Little League softball player.
2 Chastity Clapp: Stubby's wife.
15 Buff Parrott: Bassist for hardcore band The Dicks.
And now the top half of the bottom half of the Bulltron.
3 Glorious Johnson: Jacksonville city councilwoman.
14 Parris Duffus: Hockey goalie.
6 Muffin Lord: Rutgers dean. Eds: We've just learned that Muffin goes by Muffin but her birth name is ... unworthy of a spot in the field. Apologies to all the bubble names.
11 Zeppy O'Green: Canadian lacrosse player.
The bottom half of the top half of the Bulltron Regional. Vote.
5 Iona Knipl: "In school it bothered me, but now I think it's neat."
12 Attila Bucko: Baylor tennis player.
4 Barkevious Mingo: LSU linebacker.
13 Chew Kok: Cabbie.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Welcome to the Bulltron Regional, named after NOTY legend, Name of the Decade winner, Hall of Name member and convicted felon Assumption Bulltron.
Here's how early balloting will work this year: Complete the first two rounds of your bracket. Vote here for whoever advances. Simple.
For the first vote, select one name from among:
1 Taco Vandervelde: Canadian construction manager. Fined.
16 Jonny Kool: New York personal-injury lawyer.
8 Larry Kold Sweat: Nigerian actor/musician/pastor. "I got the name from heaven."
9 Larry Warmflash: New York synagogue official.
It includes a reverend (Valentine Handwerker) and a doctor (Shasta Kielbasa). It is Nutritious: a Taco, a Trout, a Muffin and some Cake (and Shasta and Kielbasa, too). It is soft as Velvet and shiny as Crystal and cool as . . . Kool. It will take you to Brooklyn and Dallas and Parris. Its Gauntlett is Mighty and its Parrotis Buff.
It is the 2009 Name of the Year Ballot.
We can’t imagine topping last year’s death struggle between Destiny Frankenstein and Spaceman Africa. But we live in hope.
The No. 1 seeds are as worthy as ever: Taco Vandervelde in the Bulltron Regional, Calamity McEntire in the Sithole, the aforementioned Rev. Valentine Handwerker in the Dragonwagon and Iris Macadangdang in the Chrotchtangle.
A quality blend of naming styles, to be sure. But questions abound. Can Cherish Frankenstein ride her sister's coattails? Will Jazzario Barrios go all Coltrane on the Sithole? Will Iona Kniple also own a Bulltron? And what about Dallas Lauderdale in the Dragonwagon? Shades of 1998 Name of the Year L.A. St. Louis.
So who didn't make the tournament? A disappointed crop of onomastic talent, including Landocalrissan Butler, Batman Bin Supraman (just because), Taffi Dollar, Elvis Magno and Elvis Rambo (one Elvis per field), Quetzalcoatl Carrasco, Hugh G. Dick, Sparkle Wisdom, NaToya Dingle, Darren QX Bean!, Dalcapone Alpaccino Morris, Precious Valentine (one Valentine. . .), Truly Lo, Elizabeth Little-Lamb, Dick Sackman, Bo Ladyman , Deep Master and many more.
And to all of you who nominated 7-foot-1 Alabama State center Chief Kickingstallionsims, who makes his NCAA tournament debut this week, thanks. He was finished 30th in 2007.
But enough talk. Print the ballot. Study it. Fill it. Debate it. Spread the word. Then make your voice heard.
The first round of voting will begin here shortly.
Art by the brilliant 289.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
The NCAA Selection Committee gathers this weekend at a disclosed hotel in Indianapolis (the Westin) to pick its field of 64 recruiting violations.
The NOTY Seeding Committee gathered last week in an undisclosed location in lower Manhattan (Walker’s) to pick our field of 64 naming revelations.
The four-member committee—The High Commissioner, STW, TFH and The Neg—was charged, as always, with the enviable task of assessing the candidates for this year’s ballot. We started with Nominee No. 1 (Long Wang) and plowed through three hours of beer, dinner and a delicious apple crumble until we reached Nominee No. 189 (Larry Warmflash).
The proceedings paused several times: to consult our waitress, who has faithfully served NOTY for several years; to explain NOTY to the couple at the next table just off the plane from Denmark, who informed us that their onomastically fascistic government has veto power over names (they were fairly certain that Nominee No. 109, Nutritious Love, wouldn’t get past the authorities); and to wipe away the tears produced while discussing one name (Taco Vandervelde) or another (Iona Knipl)
And the High C recorded the proceedings. Behold his voice, and our analysis, in the Second Annual NOTY Seeding Committee Meeting Podcast. Enjoy, we think.
We'll be back shortly with the full ballot, and the first round of the tournament.