Conceptualization and LeQuantum Have a New Baby Sister!

We'd like to congratulate the NOTY High Commissioner and Mrs. High Commissioner on the arrival yesterday of their third child--born and named on the eve of the annual meeting of the Name of the Year Committee!

Little Infinite Vanilla X Ball Van High Commissioner weighed in at 8 pounds 6 ounces and is currently enjoying a little Gertrude Nipple.

Upon seeing her father for the first time, the third in line to the High Commissioner throne screamed: ``How could you give Kyle Sackrider a 4 seed? He was a lock 2! And Cynammon Burns? A 16? What were you thinking?''

We won't divulge the baby's real name. But it sure as hell isn't Shiloh.

They're Cueing Up `One Shining Moment' in Eugene

With just one day of ballotting left for the 2007 Name of the Year, this morning we were reminded, via the circle-jerk world of the blogdome, that it was time for the Final Four of NOTY’s NCAA Name Tournament.

Writing on ``celebrity'' NOTY voter Jamie Mottram's Mr. Irrelevant, Georgetown alum and A Price Above Bip Roberts blogger Ted Bauer had this to say about his alma mater:

With all apologies to [UCLA's] Luc Richard Mbah A Moute and, to a lesser extent, Marreese Speights of Florida, is there a cooler name among teams in the Final Four than GU's Octavius Spann? Not only does the sophomore reserve channel legendary former Romans and Briton Kings with his name, but he channels Spider-Man villain Doctor Octopus, whose real name, of course, was Otto Octavius. Could you imagine Gus Johnson calling a game where Octavius Spann hit a buzzer beater? It might redefine our collective understanding of the word ``genius.’’

No quibbles here. Spann and Speights are the superheroes of a thin real-world Final Four. (We do still love Ohio State’s tandem of Shakespeare scholars, Othello Hunter and Mark Titus.) But it's no match for NOTY's NCAA's, featuring the schools that advanced in the four regions:

Oregon over Weber State: The two deepest teams in the tournament. Weber State— Jake Orchard, Jamaine Nance, Dezmon Harris, Ty Sparrow, Brody Van Brocklin, Daviin Davis, Juan Pablo Silveira, G.B. Burningham—has animals, plants, sports, history, Z's, extra letters, and more! The Ducks have some of that--Maarty Leunen (extra vowel), Tajuan Porter (new twist on an old construction), Joevan Catron (compound first name)--and they have the duo known as (to us) The British Empire: Chamberlain Oguchi and Churchill Odia.

Stanford over New Mexico State: A totally opposite game. Each school dresses just one stud and a wingman or two. For Stanford, it’s Da’Veed Dildy and Taj Finger. For New Mexico State, Hatila Passos and Londale Theus. Now Hatila Passos--part tyrant, part poet--is all-everything, but how the hell can you compete with a Dildy and a Finger?

And the championship...

Oregon over Stanford: Just lie back and think of England.

We'd Rather Have His Ballot Than Andrew Sullivan's Anyway

His blog may be called Mr. Irrelevant, but Jamie Mottram didn't want to find himself standing pathetically behind the velvet rope at the 2007 Name of the Year ``Celebrity'' Bracket Party. His picks, and profound analysis:

Final Four: D. Zeke Ezekowitz, Kyle Sackrider, Phyre Quickly Burns, Vanilla Dong

Winner: Vanilla Dong

Thoughts:

--Phyre Quickly Burns is everything you can ask for in a name. The unconventional spelling, the life lesson learned. Frankly, this would be a champion most years. However...

--Vanilla Dong is not the Name of the Year, it's the name of the decade. (Editor: Assumption Bulltron was the Name of the Decade—the decade between 1983 and 1992.)

--Bung Mac is your token 12-seed upset, but the Cinderella story ends in the Sweet 16 against the Vanilla Dong powerhouse. Tough draw.

--Lady Comfort really got slighted by the Selection Committee. A 15 seed? C'mon! And where the fuck is Lawyer Milloy? I mean, if Mister Taylor is a 13, Lawyer got robbed! (Editor: Milloy was nominated in 1997.)

--I love the clashing nomenclature of Princess Perdue. Too bad it gets run over by Adrienne Cumbus in the third round.

--I know Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee looks funny on paper, but just say D. Zeke Ezekowitz out loud. That's got Final Four all over it.

Jamie Mottram, ladies and gentlemen: irrelevant no more. Only two days to go before Price Waterhouse certifies the ballots for the 2007 Name of the Year. Vote now!

Arianna Huffington Is Filling Out Her Bracket Right Now

Desperate to crash the 2007 NOTY ``celebrity’’ bracket party—and who isn't?—With Leather editor Matt Ufford woke us this morning with his picks and analysis:

Final Four: Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee, Destinee Hooker, Kyle Sackrider, Vanilla Dong

Notable entrants/random thoughts: The Sithole Regional was either overwhelmingly weak or horrendously seeded. It featured a No. 10 (Quantavius Sturdivant) versus a No. 14 (Anita Fiel) in the Sweet 16, and its Final Four entrant, Kyle Sackrider (right), made it on strength of last name alone. (But what a last name!)

Reasoning for picks throughout tournament: An amazing first name or last name alone can get your through the early rounds of the tournament (Bulcock, Nipple, Cumbus), but any Name of the Year winner must be well-rounded in both first and last name. Or first and last and three middle names, as the case may be. Also favored: any name that referenced a body part—especially genitalia—usually advanced, while names that were likely the product of dirty hippies or too-clever assholes (Gelo Orange) were rejected in the early rounds.

An ode to Vanilla Dong: Simple, straightforward, referential to a delicious flavor AND male genitalia, well-rounded from top to bottom without being too over the top (see Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee). It is by far and away the greatest name in the tournament.

Lucius Pusey's Ballot Should Be Here Any Minute

Famous people read—and love—Name of the Year! And they fill out ballots! Our 2007 NOTY Celebrity Final Fours (winner in bold).

Will Leitch, founding editor, Deadspin
Final Four: Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee, Conceptualization Gibbs, Phyre Quickly Burns, Vanilla Dong
Comment: ``I find it impossible not to pick a man with the initials `M.X.B.V.Z.' I think that's spray painted on the wall across the street from my apartment. Also, his name is a multiplication problem: When you multiply `Michelangelo' by `Ball Van Zee,' friends ... you get a champion.''

Dan Steinberg, author, D.C. Sports Bog
Final Four: Intelligent Infinite Botts, Conceptualization Gibbs, Phyre Quickly Burns, Vanilla Dong
Comment: ``For the record, I believe Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee got a terrible seed, facing my winner in the third round. Huge injustice.''

Richard Sandomir, co-editor, The Englightened Bracketologist
Final Four: Intelligent Infinite Botts, Conceptualization Gibbs, Outerbridge Horsey, Demetria Crumbly
Comment: ``It's such a fine mixture of cosmic wit and silliness.''

Hart Brachen, creator, The Soxaholix
Final Four: Intelligent Infinite Botts, Kyle Sackrider, Phyre Quickly Burns, Vanilla Dong
Comment: ``Love the Vanilla Dong!''

Big Daddy Drew, 1/6th of Kissing Suzy Kolber
Final Four: Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee, Conceptualization Gibbs, Jazzmen Guy, Vanilla Dong
Comment: ``Nothing beats Vanilla Dong.''

Josh Levin, sports editor, Slate
Final Four: Gertrude Nipple, Kyle Sackrider, Co-Eric Riley, Gelo Orange
Comment: ``Sackrider! It could be no other.''

Unsilent Majority, 1/6th of Kissing Suzy Kolber, 1/9th of No Mas
Final Four: Ayo Yayo, LeQuantum McDonald, Destinee Hooker, De’Cody Fagg
Comment: ``What do parents expect when they name a kid Destinee Hooker? I'm naming my first born Fate Crackwhore.''

Paul Lukas, author, Uni Watch
Final Four: Gertrude Nipple, Maserati Jemison, Pinckney Pinchback, Vanilla Dong
Comment: ``Much like Jerry McNurtry, Van Lingle Mungo and other pleasingly angular sports names, Pinckney Pinchback is oddly compelling—once you start saying it, you can't stop!''

Dan Shanoff, author, Dan Shanoff.com
Final Four: Intelligent Infinite Botts, Kyle Sackrider, Phyre Quickly Burns, Vanilla Dong
Comment: ``Phyre Quickly Burns isn't a name. It's a narrative.''

Turn the Lights Down, the Party Just Got Wilder

The votes are pouring in for the 2007 Name of the Year.

These returns are running like a squirrel in a cage.

We’ve received hundreds of completed ballots from you, The People, along with scores of delightful nameinees for the 2008 NOTY Tournament. We'll start writing about them once this year's winner is crowned.

This race is tight like a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach.

About 47% of the precincts have been counted. And we know who’s got the early lead.

Don't bet the trailer money yet.

We can say with confidence that the 2007 NOTY will be one of these enormously qualified candidates:

Intelligent Infinite Botts
Gertrude Nipple
Ayo Yayo
Mario Hilario
Kyle Sackrider
Destinee Hooker
Conceptualization Gibbs
Yourhighness Morgan
Phyre Quickly Burns
Leftonred Atanycorner
Vanilla Dong
Thankful Vanderstar

Yes, Dong is getting a lot of love.

It's too early to say he has the whip hand.

And Nipple and Sackrider are surprising the NOTY bracketologists. And Botts is living up to his No. 1 seed.

But we just don’t feel right revealing more. Because this could be 2002 all over again, when a single overlooked ballot—hello, Florida?—swung the NOTY election from Habibi Zibi to Miracle Wanzo.

We've lived by the crystal ball, we're eating so much broken glass. We're in critical condition.

Or it could be 1998, the first year NOTY went to a 64-name bracket, when early favorites Fidelio Tata and Attila Cosby were outgunned by two geography names, L.A. St. Louis and—it was the best of names, it was the worst of names—Paris London.

Frankly, we don't know whether to wind the watch or to bark at the moon.

Voting for NOTY continues through Saturday. Which means there’s only one thing for us to do.

None of this television mumbo jumbo, let's get in there and count the votes.

And there’s only one thing for you to do. Go here, download a ballot and vote for the 2007 Name of the Year.

It's the American way: If you don't vote, you don't get to whine.

Thanks to Famous Texans for its exhaustive compilation of actual quotations from Dan Rather on election night in 2000.

Beacuse We Don't Want to Violate Title IX

Not that it matters when you’re on the ballot for the 2007 Name of the Year—still plenty of time to vote!—but college hooper Cynammon Burns didn't reach the women's NCAAs and Cetera DeGraffenreid is still a year away. Nonetheless, we here at NOTY have been tracking the talent closely in the distaff tournament. Our all-name teams, and some special awards:

First Team
Genesis Lightbourne, Iowa State: And said God let there be Lightbourne, and there was Lightbourne. Has it going both ways.

Epiphanny Prince, Rutgers: Her New York City high-school coach had an epiphany: Why not let my player humiliate her opponents by scoring 113 points in a game? Could it have been payback for Prince's disappointing 27th-place finish in the 2005 NOTY? Just asking.

Ashley Awkward, Mississippi: Poured in 22 points in upset of Maryland. Was heard shouting at defending national champs, ``Who’s awkward now, be-yotches?’’

LaWanna Holiday, Belmont: Will be joining teammate Brooke Sunday in ESPNU's annual NOTY Two-on-Two Shootout, hosted by Rhode Island television personality and Sithole Regional No. 1 seed Mario Hilario.

Lady Comfort, Temple: Owls bounced in second round of basketball event. But Comfort can take solace in her No. 15 seed in NOTY's very tough Bulltron Regional.

Second Team
Kalika France, Purdue: She’s no Paris London, but a solid European surname with a strong front end. Might have been first team if her first name was Coleco.

Ebony Haliburton, Oral Roberts: We hope Ebony’s shot is better than You Know Who’s.

Ashley Lovelady, Southeast Missouri State: OK, so she's here because her mom is Queen Lovelady. Mom, consider yourself nominated for the 2008 NOTY.

Dominique Warrior, Prairie View: 'Nique is always ready to do battle, unlike the Panthers, who lost 95-38 to North Carolina in the first round of the NCAAs.

Jazz Covington, Louisville: No relation to NOTY Dragonwagon Regional No. 12 seed Jazzmen Guy.

Sixth Woman Award
Sasha Polishchuck, Gonzaga: If she married Sasha Baron Cohen, she could change her name to Sasha Baron Cohen! High five!

Team Spirit Award
Robert Morris Lady Colonials
In the waning years of the original ABA, the All-Star Game matched the first-place team against the best of the rest. Well, we'd like to see the Lady Colonials take on this tournament's stars. Their starting five: Psyche Butler, Princess Alston, Crystal Champions, Natasha Summerville and Sugeiry Monsac. And Chinata Nesbit's coming off the bench! The game could be played on the Robert Morris campus in Moon Township, Pa.—just a ``10-minute drive from Pittsburgh International Airport'' and ``accessible by bus’’—where table tennis and air hockey are all the rage.

NCAA Names: South Region

While the Broward County Election Commission continues tabulating the ballots for the 2007 Name of the Year—vote here through March 31—we’ve been scouting the NCAA men’s basketball tournament for potential candidates to run in 2008. The last of the four quadrants: the South Region.

First Round
Ohio State v. Central Connecticut State: Don’t let anyone tell you that only 10 percent of Ohio State basketball players graduate. With Othello Hunter and Mark Titus, the Buckeyes are acing Shakespeare. Central Connecticut’s Ingo Beaudet reminds us of 2000 NOTY nominee Ingo Fast. Winner: Ohio State.

Brigham Young v. Xavier: BYU’s bringing a latter-day roster of sainted names—Keena Young, Rashaun Broadus, Lee Cummard, Trent Plaisted—but Xavier’s got Johnny Wolf, Drew Lavender and Jason Love. Old school. Winner: Xavier.

Tennessee v. Long Beach State: Man-to-man coverage. JaJuan Smith (Tennessee) on Kejuan Johnson (Long Beach). Ben Bosse (Tennessee) on Trayon Free (Long Beach). Tanner Wild (Tennessee) on Tim Island (Long Beach). Wayne Chism at the buzzer. Winner: Tennessee.

Virginia v. Albany: Playing in an empty arena. Solomon Tat of the Cavaliers is enough. Winner: Virginia.

Louisville v. Stanford: Two words: Da’Veed Dildy. Four more: Landry Fields, Taj Finger. Winner: Stanford.

Texas A&M v. Penn: Acie Law IV—the fourth!—Marlon Pompey and Martellus Bennett. We love the Quakers, but Ibrahim Jaaber and 1400 SAT scores aren't enough. Winner: Texas A&M.

Nevada v. Creighton: Marquee match. Nevada has depth: Kyle Shiloh, Ramon Session, Matt LaGrone, JaVale McGee and Curry Lynch. The Bluejays—we played one in a second-grade performance of ``Spunky Pumpkin''!—are standing up with Dustin Sitzmann and bringin' some Nate Funk . Winner: Nevada.

Memphis v. North Texas: Tre-Von Willis: wears his war wound like a crown. Kareem Cooper: love child of the 1980s Lakers. Winner: Memphis.

Second Round
Ohio State over Xavier. O, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster.
Tennessee over Virginia. What fucking Chism trail?
Stanford over Texas A&M. Two words: Da’Veed Dildy.
Nevada over Memphis. In spite of how we feel about Shiloh.

Third Round
Ohio State over Tennessee. That never set a squadron in the field, Nor the division of a battle knows.
Stanford over Nevada. Two words: Da’Veed Dildy.

Regional Final
Stanford over Ohio State. The eagle suffers little birds to sing.

NCAA Names: East Region

After an overnight shift stitching basketball sneakers for 12 cents an hour, our loyal sweatshop employees will resume counting the many, many ballots we've received for the 2007 Name of the Year. The voting deadline: March 31. Meantime, here's our third installment of NCAA men's hoop name bracketology. The East Region.


First Round
North Carolina v. Eastern Kentucky: Token opposition for the Tar Heels’ Marcus Ginyard, Reshawn (v. to shawn again) Terry and Surry Wood. With a fringe on top. Winner: North Carolina.

Michigan State v. Marquette: They’re not Spartan with the first names in the upper Midwest. Michigan State: Idong Ibok, Raymar Morgan, Goran Suton, DeMarcus Ducre and Marquise Gray. Marquette: Lazar Hayward, Jamil Lott, Jerel McNeal. Winner: Michigan State.

USC v. Arkansas: a) The Trojans have a guy named RouSean. b) The Trojans have a guy named RouSean. For the record, his last name is Cromwell. Winner: USC.

Texas v. New Mexico State: Three players with initials for first names will not get you anywhere in this tournament, Texas. Especially against Hatila Passos, the sweet, anthroponomastic offspring of a rapacious 5th-century scourge of the Roman Empire and an impossibly prolific 20th-century novelist. Off the bench: Londale Theus and Martin Iti. Winner: New Mexico State.

Vanderbilt v. George Washington: Vandy’s got Davis Nwankwo and Ted Skuchas, which might be the cutest name in the tourney. And always good to see the creative preposition and mid-name capitalization a JeJuan Brown. The Colonials' front line of Hermann Opoku, Cheyenne Moore and Maureece Rice is no match. Winner: Vanderbilt.

Washington State v. Oral Roberts: Strike us with a bolt of lightning, but we don’t believe a 900-foot Jesus told Oral Roberts to build a hospital. Or that God threatened to kill him unless he raised $8 million. But the basketball team is divine. Moses Ehambe, Adam Liberty, Egidijus Budrikis, Sylvester Spicer and Marchello Vealy. Washington State is loaded with solid names—Taylor Rochestie, Thomas Abercrombie, Antonio Chavers, Daven Harmeling, Ivory Clark, Robbie Cowgill and Arlen Plaister—but you just don’t mess with The Man. Winner: Oral Roberts.

Boston College v. Texas Tech: BC is deep with the poetic Tyrese Rice, Marquez Haynes, Daye Kaba, Shamari Spears and Tyrelle Blair. But with a couple of White boys—Decensae White and LucQuente White—Bobby Knight won't be throwing any chairs in this tournament. Winner: Texas Tech.

Georgetown v. Belmont: Wouldn’t Hoya Saxa be a terrific name? DaJuan Summers and Octavius Spann over Keaton Belcher and Boomer Herndon. Winner: Georgetown.

Second Round
Michigan State over North Carolina. Idong, you dong, we all dong.
New Mexico State over USC. Raping and pillaging.
Oral Roberts over Vanderbilt. On the sixth day, God created Marchello Vealy.
Texas Tech over Georgetown. Say with me three times: LucQuente. LucQuente. LucQuente.

Third Round
New Mexico State over Michigan State. By more than an Iti bitty margin.
Texas Tech over Oral Roberts. God should have told him to recruit Decensae and LucQuente.

Regional Final
New Mexico State over Texas Tech. Hatila the One.

Walt Frazier Didn't Play D-I Either

Meanwhile, in the Division III men's basketball semifinals:

When Virginia Wesleyan needed a play to stay alive in its bid for a second straight NCAA Division III championship, it was "TonTon time'' again.

TonTon time? This should be good.

TonTon Balenga [right, in mask] hit two tie-breaking foul shots with 1:10 to play Friday night, lifting the Marlins to a 67-65 victory over Washington University and putting the defending national champions into Saturday's title game against Amherst.

Coach! Coach! Over here, coach! Coach, how would you describe TonTon?

"I know TonTon's a warrior,'' Virginia Wesleyan coach Dave Macedo said of Balenga, whose shot with 2 seconds left last year gave the Marlins their national title.

TonTon! TonTon! TonTon, are you a "warrior?''

"Oh, TonTon is an African name that means 'uncle' in French," a grinning Balenga explained.

Thanks a lot, TonTon. Good luck in the finals. And good luck in the 2008 NOTY Tournament.

NCAA Names: West Region

While our team of elves is chained to a radiator in the basement counting your votes for the 2007 Name of the Year—still plenty of time to fill out a ballot!—we're handicapping the talent in that other tournament. Next up: the West Region.

First Round
Kansas v. Niagara: Benson Egemonye and Charron Fisher lead the Purple Eagles. That's right. A guy from an ’80s sitcom and the angel of death. The Jayhawks counter with Brady Morningstar and Sasha Kaun. We won’t call him ``Baron.’’ Winner: Niagara.

Kentucky v. Villanova: For a bunch of Wildcats, their names are pretty tame. Kentucky’s got Ramel Bradley, Lukasz Obzrut and Sheray Thomas. Nova counters with Bilal Benn, Reggie Redding and Casiem Drummond. Winner: Villanova.

Virginia Tech v. Illinois: Bring back Luther Head! Bring back the Chief! (Not really.) The Hokies win the battle of nicknames and real names: Zabian Dowdell, Robert Krabbendam, Cheick Diakite. Winner: Virginia Tech.

Southern Illinois v. Holy Cross: The Salukis aren’t exactly pit bulls, but Kobby Acquah, Dion Coopwood and Christian Cornelius easily handle the Crusaders’ Victor ``Va Va’’ Vaval. Winner: Southern Illinois.

Duke v. Virginia Comonwealth: Duke sucks in the name department, too. VCU won’t get far with Wil Fameni and Franck Ndongo. But who cares. Winner: Virginia Commonwealth.

Pittsburgh v. Wright State: One on one, the way the game was meant to be played. Levance Fields of Pitt against Dashaun Wood of Wright State. Levance advances. Winner: Pitt.

Indiana v. Gonzaga: Is Xavier Keeling? Only if Bobby Knight’s still coaching. The Zags aren’t deep, but when you’ve got a Quebecois named Pierre Marie Altidor-Cespedes in the low post with Abdullahi Kuso on the wing, you move on. Winner: Gonzaga.

UCLA v. Weber State: We love a pointless preposition (DeAndre Robinson) and a five-word name (Luc Richard Mbah a Moute). But even Walton and Alcindor would be overmatched against these names out of Mormon country. Jake Orchard, Jamaine Nance, Dezmon Harris, Ty Sparrow, Brody Van Brocklin, Daviin Davis, Juan Pablo Silveira and G.B. Burningham. Winner: Weber State.

Second Round
Villanova over Niagara. Bilal? Casiem? What the fuck?
Southern Illinois over Virginia Tech. The Coop and Kobby show.
Pitt over VCU. Levancing.
Weber State over Gonzaga. Plants, inane spellings, alliteration, birds, a random Z, repeated vowels.

Third Round
Southern Illinois over Villanova. Told Larry David he invented the Kobby Salad.
Weber State over Pitt. Not Levancing.

Regional Final
Weber State over Southern Illinois. Daviin into the Final Four.

NCAA Names: Midwest Region

With voting for the 2007 Name of the Year well underway—keep those ballots coming!—we decided to take a look at that other tournament, the one played with ``student-athletes,'' an orange ball and Greg Gumbel. Over the next few days, we'll break down the field. Let's start with the Midwest Region.

Florida v. Jackson State: The Tigers start Caraiva Givens (powerful first name), Garrison Johnson (nice rhyming) and Kay Martinez (girl’s name). The Gators aren’t deep—Joakim Noah would be a fine name if he weren’t so annoying—but they have a big star in Marreese Speights, a sure 2008 NOTY nominee. Winner: Florida.

Arizona v. Purdue: Lots of depth on Lute Olson’s team with Jawann McLellan, Mohamed Tangara, Mustafa Shakur and Fendi Onobun. Purdue, typically, is slow and dull. When your stud is Tarrance Crump, you’re going down. Winner: Arizona.

Butler v. Old Dominion: No one’s advancing very far. Butler’s got Julian Betko—is that a gambling website?—and Brandon Crone. ODU counters with Marsharee Neely, Abdi Lidonde and Brandon Johnson. Marsharee, amor. Winner: ODU.

Maryland v. Davidson: Too bad someone has to lose. Maryland stars D.J. Strawberry (sister: Diamond), Bambale Osby, Ekene Ibekwe and Greivis Vasquez. In addition to Boris Meno, Max Paulhus Gosselin, Lamar Hull and Andrew Lovedale, Davidson’s lineup poses a question: Can Civi? He's from Istanbul, not Constantinople. Winner: Maryland.

Notre Dame v. Winthrop: Golden Dome, tin names. Rudy would start on this team. Winthrop is front-loaded with Mantoris Robinson, Torrell Martin and De’Andrew Adams. On and off the court, the Irish are losers. Winner: Winthrop.

Oregon-Miami (Ohio): Mid-major names: Alex Moosmann, Sean Mock, Monty St. Clair. Oregon, meanwhile, is a forest of redwoods: Malik Hairston, Maarty Leunen, Tajuan Porter, LeKendric Longmire, Joevan Catron. And, with Chamberlain Oguchi and Churchill Odia, they can win any debate about World War II! Winner: Oregon.

UNLV-Georgia Tech: Would Tark have slipped envelopes stuffed with cash to a Rene (Rougeau), a Gaston (Essenque) and an Efrem (Lawrence)? Is the Rebels’ JoVan Adams related to Oregon’s Joevan Catron? Georgia Tech has it all: first names, last names, an apostrophe, a hypen. Lewis Clinch, Javaris Crittenton, Ra-Sean Dickey, Paco Diaw, D’Andre Bell, Jeremis Smith, Zach Peacock, Alade Aminu. To quote Mr. Slinger in Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse, wow, all we can say is wow. Winner: Georgia Tech.

Wisconsin-Texas A&M Corpus Christi: Even Brent Musberger wouldn’t get excited about this game. Now starting ... Joe Krabbenhoft. TAMCC sounds like a pension fund and its roster is about as exciting. Winner: Both teams disqualified.

Second Round
Florida over Arizona. Can you hear the crowd? Mar-reeeeese!
Maryland over ODU. With a Strawberry on top.
Oregon over Winthrop. Did Maarty Leunen buy a vowel?
Georgia Tech (bye).

Third Round
Maryland over Florida. But Marreese is a lock for all-tournament team.
Oregon over Georgia Tech. Peace in our time.

Regional Final
Oregon over Maryland. Appeasing no one.

Your Official 2007 NOTY Ballot

NOTY proudly presents the Official 2007 Name of the Year Ballot.

To download a ballot and register your vote, click here and follow the simple instructions.

To view and print the ballot, click on the image to your left.

Ballots must be returned by March 31.

Bracket-by-bracket seedings and analysis below.

As our fascinated-all-evening waitress remarked as the NOTY Seeding Committee was bundling up to leave its gathering place in lower Manhattan last night, ``Thank you for Gertrude Nipple.''

And we, in turn, thank you, Gertrude Nipple.

2007 NOTY: Chrotchtangle Regional

1 Vanilla Dong
16 Chanel Gemini

8 Doris Morris
9 Unique Grant

5 Margharita Pigeon
12 Bung Mac

4 De’Cody Fagg
13 Chief Kickingstallionsims

3 Gelo Orange
14 Zhaneta Bozo

6 Simpson Rushing
11 Sasha Junk

7 Solomon HorseChief
10 Demetria Crumbly

2 Thankful Vanderstar
15 Ramarcus Dickerson

Not Joe Lunardi's Bracket Analysis:

After three No. 1 seeds are selected, Committee Member Neg says: ``What about Vanilla Dong?’’ ... Solomon HorseChief: underseeded at No. 7? ... Thankful Vanderstar comes up as a possible No. 2. Committee Member TFH doesn't like it, is overruled and makes a bold prediction: ``I’ll tell you right now. Thankful Vanderstar will not be in the Top 10.’’ Watch out, TFH, Justice Department lawyers don't mess around ... No. 6 Simpson Rushing could kill in this bracket.

2007 NOTY: Dragonwagon Regional

1 Yourhighness Morgan
16 Cynammon Burns

8 Destinee Hooker
9 U Nu

5 Alibaba Odd
12 Jazzmen Guy


4 Phyre Quickly Burns
13 Ottilia Eycleshimer

3 Adrienne Cumbus
14 Nature Johnson

6 Pinckney Pinchback
11 Joe Favorito

7 Princess Perdue
10 Co-Eric Riley

2 Outerbridge Horsey
15 Leftonred Atanycorner

Not Joe Lunardi's Bracket Analysis:

``She’s got poetry,’’ Committee Member TFH says of Adrienne Cumbus. ``In motion,’’ adds Committee Member STW ... Genuflect with us in the direction of No. 1 Yourhighness Morgan ... High Commissioner: ``Phyre Quickly Burns is a classic four. Look under complete sentences.’’ ... Sister Cynammon Burns dissed by the Seeding Committee ... High C: ``Princess Perdue has alliteration, she’s got chicken, she’s got last year’s winner [Princess Nocandy]. She’s got a lot going for her.’’ Maybe not her poetry ... Late nominees Alibaba Odd and Jazzmen Guy square off in a 5-12: Overdog beware ... Destinee Hooker: More than just a Face in the Crowd ... Leftonred Atanycorner’s invented, though legal, name, chronicled in The New Yorker, sparked debate. TFH: ``Did you see what he does? He walks around the city looking for bad traffic signs.’’ High C: ``He should be on the NOTY Committee.’’

2007 NOTY: Sithole Regional

1 Mario Hilario
16 Eugene Heavy Runner



8 Lovie Lilly
9 Cetera DeGraffenreid

5 Wisdom Bleboo
12 Babu Chalamala

4 Kyle Sackrider
13 Oxide Pang

3 Conceptualization Gibbs
14 Anita Fiel

6 LeQuantum McDonald
11 Jamarion Cavness

7 Sa’Coby Carter
10 Quantavius Sturdivant

2 Maserati Jemison
15 Brett Bucktooth

Not Joe Lunardi’s Bracket Analysis:

You stay classy, Providence! Mario Hilario is a No. 1! ... Committee Member TFH: ``What was [1999 NOTY nominee] Roman Yahola seeded? Can we not learn our lesson and give Anita Fiel her due?'' Committee Member STW: ``She’s no Roman Yahola.'' ... Good thing they didn't serve dinner on a tray: Conceptualization Gibbs falls to a three seed ... No. 2 Maserati Jemison: He's got a lot of Maserati in him and litle bit of (Hall of Name member Largest) Agbejemison ... The waitress loved No. 5 Wisdom Bleboo--and you best not mess with Wisdom Bleboo ... As always, tough 8-9 matchup: Cetera DeGraffenreid is standing up--and throwing it down--for Latin scholars everywhere, but Lovie Lilly will try to send her to the principal's office.

2007 NOTY: Bulltron Regional

1 Intelligent Infinite Botts
16 Taz Knockum

8 Tyson Mao
9 John Bulcock

5 Michelangelo X Ball Van Zee
12 Tekerrion Cuba

4 Zaire Kitchen
13 Mister Taylor

3 Gertrude Nipple
14 Windham Rotunda

6 D. Zeke Ezekowitz
11 Remus Stefan

7 Basil Hero
10 Taiwan Easterling


2 Ayo Yayo
15 Lady Comfort



Not Joe Lunardi's Bracket Analysis:

Intelligent Infinite Botts: No. 1 seed in the tournament, unanimous choice of the four-member NOTY Seeding Committee ... His accomplice in juvenile delinquency, Mister Taylor, gets a No. 13; brother Sir Taylor left off ballot ... Yo, Taz Knockum? Can you be the first 16 to defeat a 1? ... After first half of field seeded, Committee Member TFH asks: ``Is it time for a phallic entry?’’ The High Commissioner replies: ``It’s always time for a phallic entry.’’ Enter John Bulcock ... We are totally ayo (fifth definition) for No. 2 Ayo Yayo ... Basil Hero: You're going need more help in NOTY than you will in your marriage ... High C: ``Is Gertrude Nipple a No. 1?’’ In the bosom of name-love, yes: old-school first name, sexually suggestive surname. In a strong NOTY field, though, a deserving No. 3 ... Geography gets its rightful due: No. 4 Zaire Kitchen and No. 10 Taiwan Easterling ... Committee Member TFH: ``Lady Comfort is a born 15.’’ And she can shoot the rock!

We're Thinking About Calling It `March Madness'

Let the Road to the Final Four begin!

The Name of the Year Committee meets tonight at an undisclosed bar in Tribeca to seed the field for the 2007 NOTY Tournament. Sixty-four deserving names—no play-in game in NOTY—in four regions named to honor some all-time greats, just like they used to do in the National Hockey League, only funnier and recognized by more people.

We’ve got the Bulltron Regional, after 1992 Name of the Decade Assumption Bulltron, a convict; the Chrotchtangle Regional, for 1991 Name of the Year Doby Chrotchtangle, a friend of the genius who also discovered Bulltron, a twofer nomination that might never never be surpassed; the Sithole Regional, for 1985 Name of the Year Godfrey Sithole, who has a doctrine named after him; and the Dragonwagon Regional, for 1993 Name of the Year Crescent Dragonwagon (above), a prolific author who, more important, changed her name as a teenager.

We invited anchorman and 2007 nominee Mario Hilario to do the play-by-play at tonight's event, but he has to get up early tomorrow to host NBC 10 Weekend Sunrise in Providence, R.I., and putter in his garden.

Wonder If They Considered `Mardy'

Big news out of Denver tonight: Melo's a Dad!

And even bigger news? His Girl’s a Nominee!

We here at NOTY would like to be the first to congratulate MTV veejay La La Vasquez, fiancee of Denver Nuggets scorer and New York Knick puncher Carmelo Anthony. La La bagged two major life achievements in one day (not necessarily in order of importance): birthing a son and getting nominated for Name of the Year.

According to the Rocky Mountain News:

The couple has known for some time the child would be a boy, so they chose the name Kiyan (pronounced Kai-ann) and Melo painted his son's room nautical blue. Kiyan weighs 5 pounds, 9 ounces and is 18 1/2 inches long.

Little Kiyan was born at 1:35 p.m. Mountain time and mother and child are doing... Hold on. Kiyan Anthony? KiyanAnthony … Kiyanthony! Do we have the youngest nominee in NOTY history?